Got a toothbrush?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
