you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
