My girlfriend figured out who you are.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
