careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
