your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
