I didn't shave. On purpose
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
