if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
