We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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