I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
