don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
