apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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