You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
