Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
