I am midnight drunk by noon
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
