Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
