Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
try to milk me bitch
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