chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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