I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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