if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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