Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
