her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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