I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
