omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sext me about skeletons
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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