I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
