Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
