I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
