The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dick very happy bro
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
