none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
