I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
