..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
