How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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