after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
