If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
