my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
