Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
