I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
