You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
