Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
