i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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