Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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