96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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