We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
