im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
