He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
