Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
