just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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