she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
