i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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