apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And then he peed in my hair
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