Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
