Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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