Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
