by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
